In search for the ELEMENT – Part 1

1 11 2009

For last several years I have been submerged in the search for my vocation. Looking back at all my experiences, passions, interests and capabilities, one day I hope I came up with an answer: CREATIVITY. But to be able to explain that I believe I will have to tell the story of my life.

Since I was a child I had clear artistic inclinations: I recited poems in front of hundreds of people; I could start dancing anywhere no matter the place, the circumstances or how many people there were around, just as soon as I heard some music; I studied chorus singing and attended a fine arts school; I wrote poetry and fairy tales and invented games to play with my friends; I participated in numerous theatre workshops, amateur plays and interpretation courses. However, by the time when the topic of a future profession became of current importance the influence of the general society values had begun taking me over. It was right after the fall of the Soviet Union when the whole country (I guess I didn’t mention that I was born in Russia) was responding excitedly to the call of a newly-born capitalism. It was all about earning money, as much as possible. Add to that gentle but rather insistent pressure from my parents’ side and you perhaps won’t be surprised that I ended up at the economics department of Moscow State University.

I had a rather successful career, I think. At the age of 28 I was living in Barcelona, with a very well paid job in a multinational corporation where I had all kinds of possibilities for any professional future I might wish for. I had been appraised on all internal evaluations as an exceptional performance employee, I was adored by management and revered by my colleagues, I had the reputation of someone who knew everything and could solve any problem. I think it was mainly thanks to my natural curiosity that always drove me to try to understand the nature of things, my everlasting eagerness to learn something new and the passion I put into everything I do.

But then I started feeling that despite all the possibilities for professional growth my internal growth had stopped. Up until that point any task was an interior challenge for me: can I do it? Then I understood: yes, I can. Whatever the problem is, one way or another I can solve it. And as all the problems I was dealing with were not differing that much one from another in essence, I had ahead of me long years of a repetitive motion inside some vicious circle. It all stopped making any sense. I decided to quit. I said to myself that I needed to do “something creative”…

(To be continued…)


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